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Saturday, September 11, 2004

1 AM. Leslie and I went and saw "Garden State" tonight at the local art house. I was really into the soundtrack, but unfortunately, the story line doesn't allow me to get too close to the movie. The main character went home again and all his problems were on the way to being solved. My home is here. My family is a burden to me that I would much rather keep at a distance. As the lady says, "And so it goes".
Yesterday was my exciting day. I went to buy tickets to see Robyn Hitchcock live (FINALLY!!) and Caravan (my prog-rock guilty pleasure) in the very near future. I have people coming from out of town to see Robyn with Leslie and I. That's extremely exciting. For now, I loaded up the CD changer with some selections from the Harris-Spencer Collection. I'm currently listening to "Volunteers" by the Jefferson Airplane. Man do I miss Nicky Hopkins!!
I'm enjoying the last cool night for a while. It's supposed to heat up for about the next week. I'm not looking forward to it. My allergies are wreaking havoc on me right now. It's getting tiresome for all who surround me, let alone myself. all I can do is drink lots of cold fluids.
The CD changer has moved to "In The Land Of Grey And Pink" by Caravan. I'm using this as a warm-up for the show I see in a week and a half. I love their instrumentation.

It strikes me that I owe the reader (do I have a reader) another song. Let's see what the Writ has for us tonight....
This one is strange. Did you ever pass someone on the street, or take a look around your office at the people who surround you? I do it all the time. I think often about just how many people I never come anywhere near again who pass me on a given day. That guy in traffic? Forget it, I'll never see them again. That co-worker who's leaving? Maybe, but anything past a few compulsory " how ya doin' " is something of a pipe dream. This song addresses that a little bit. In my last insurance job, there was a temp worker named Heather who, while not knockdown dragout beautiful, had something from afar than my mind's eye fixed on. It's very hard to explain with the passage of over 8 years time, but I had this idea of regretting not meeting everyone in the world. I wasn't romantically interested in Heather, but the song comes out sounding that way. I write a lot about the idea of courage. I don't have much really. About the most courageous thing I ever did was walk out on my first wife to try to build a better life for myself with the time I have left in existense. My lack of courage really stems from being shy around people I don't know. At a party full of strangers, you can usually find me somewhere near the dish of honey-roasted peanuts. I tend to think in ideas and facts and not in the interpersonal.
So to sum up, this song isn't about Heather so much as it is about my lack of ability to introduce myself to strangers. I'm getting better, but not by much. I spent too much damned time on the East Coast.

For Lack Of Courage


They tell me that you’re leavin’ without bein’ introduced

Now my heart’s a little heavy, and my soul a bit reduced

This face of yours is magic and your hair the wind itself

And these massive aching feelings, I’ll just keep them to myself


But why then am I happy that your door should open wide

Could it be that way deep down I know these feelings will subside

And then I look at you again and I knew that I was wrong

And I’ll never find the courage to walk up and say “so long”


All the times you passed me by and you didn’t say hello

You made me smile by bein’ there and you didn’t even know


But enjoy the road ahead; I hope it gives you everything

Even though to you, I know I just don’t mean a thing

Let the sun cast giant shadows back to every step you take

And I’ll laugh a little louder with my shyness my mistake

Damn, what I might have missed in this world if only for a little forcefulness.

And now it's time to move on into the night. Such beautiful winds I get here from Lake Michigan. It's almost nice enough for a seat outside.....



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