There was an error in this gadget

Tuesday, December 26, 2006

A Few Words Against Tiger Woods

Over the holiday weekend, AP chose Tiger Woods as the Male Athlete of the Year. My vote is for Ladanian Tomlinson of the San Diego Chargers and his boatload of touchdowns, but I think I need to clarify why the choice of Woods is an absolute travesty.

The first reason should be obvious to everyone with a pulse. GOLF IS NOT A SPORT! It's a scored activity, like darts, shuffleboard and cribbage. Any activity in which a guy the size and shape of Craig Stadler can become a millionaire by taking part should never be considered a sport. The only people who ever call golf a "sport" are the well-paid sportswriters who play it in their off hours and the assorted obnoxious white guys who have country club memberships and ugly pants who never lower themselves to ask my opinion on the matter. Bo Jackson was an athlete. Deion Sanders was an athlete. Tiger Woods plays golf.

The second comes down to numbers, specifically, the number of PGA tournaments that Tiger Woods participated in in 2006. Granted, Woods' father and golf avatar, Earl Woods, was in ill health and eventually succumbed to cancer this year, and it is understood that this would be a distraction for any "athlete". Having said that, the PGA has roughly 40 events in a calendar year, which works out to 160 days competing in tournaments. No one on the PGA tour plays in every event, but having said that, you can find very few golfers who played less than the 13 events Tiger Woods took part in in 2006.

In 2006, Woods only played about 50 days worth of golf for money on the PGA Tour. In contrast, very few starting pitchers win Athlete of the Year because they only get about 25 to 35 starts per season. If a guy like Tomlinson played in only 35% of his team's games, do you think he would have a shot at Athlete of the Year? We are told that half of life is just showing up. Woods only does that 30 to 35% of the time, but he's a better athlete than Tomlinson, who gets hit on EVERY PLAY in his sport when he plays?

So Woods won over $8 million for the tournaments he took part in. Big deal. The real story here is the tournaments where he didn't even show up. Give the Male Athlete of the Year award to someone who I can get used to seeing on a daily or weekly basis.

Friday, December 22, 2006

Losing the Lottery

Well, the rain is getting colder
And the sky is growing dark
There’s no one left to clean the muddy street
Down in a swollen gutter
Amidst the bottles and the trash
A lotto ticket dances without feet
On its back it bears a number
Written down in fading blue
Seven indecipherable digits and a heart
Will anyone remember
Does anybody care
About the opportunity that fell apart

Light a candle, say a prayer
They could be anywhere
A brief encounter in a convenience store
Led to a fantasy
That was never meant to be
And strangers they must be forevermore

In a café by the roadside
A girl is sipping tea
And wondering why he never calls
And somewhere in a diner
Surrounded by his smoke
A boy is lost in shadows on the walls
Sometimes he’ll think about her
And how he never got her name
Then write it off to his unlucky fate
And as he finishes his smoke
That losing lotto ticket
Spirals down beyond the sewer grate

Light a candle, say a prayer
They could be anywhere
A brief encounter in a convenience store
Led to a fantasy
That was never meant to be
And strangers they must be forevermore

The houses all look empty
As the afternoon wears on
The wind is singing Wagner to the clouds
And the worms out on the sidewalk
Drowning in unsalted tears
Are mourned by the skies in their shrouds
Lost love is nostalgia
And broken hearts will mend
And star-crossed lovers reunite in death
If life can teach you anything
It’s to always take your chance
And fight for what you love with every breath

Light a candle, say a prayer
They could be anywhere
A brief encounter in a convenience store
Led to a fantasy
That was never meant to be
And strangers they must be forevermore