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Friday, November 23, 2007

Georgia Runs Out Of Water; Blue Stater Yawns

So, if all the major news stories are correct, the reservoirs around Atlanta and surrounding areas in Northern Georgia will be out of water in roughly 80 days.

The current cracker Governor, Sonny Perdue, (a name that perfectly symbolizes the lack of working intellect of its holder) snapped into action immediately. He summoned his ill-informed political followers to the state capital and prayed for rain. When I think of effective government, this is not the picture that pops into my head, but I guess that’s just me.

No one should be surprised that a state rich in Republican tradition displays this kind of ineptitude on a state level. Rather than spending the last 20 years planning for the day in early 2008 when the wells run dry, Georgia spent their resources on the ’96 Olympics, the lengthy investigation of Richard Jewell for not setting off a bomb at those same Olympics, the initiation of a state lottery and the passage of Voter ID laws that are for all intents and purposes a reintroduction of the Poll Tax.

The contingency plans are now down to praying and (in the likely event that fails) diverting water from the Great Lakes.

As a resident of Milwaukee, Wisconsin, located semi-majestically on the banks of Lake Michigan, I proudly say "HA!" to the first idea and "Fuck you!" to the second.

As a person with a Democratic Governor, two Democratic senators and a real Democratic congresswoman, I now say to Georgia without the least bit of pity, "How’s that small, non-intrusive government theory working for you now?" By placing your state government in the hands of people who hate governmental operations, you get what you deserve. The only thing missing from the Governor and State Assembly members in Georgia to place them firmly in the Middle Ages is chain mail armor being worn to work.

Once again, for anyone who will listen: you can’t put people in charge of government whose sworn ideology is the piecemeal destruction of that government.

Sometime in early Spring (if they have any chance at all of getting attention in the middle of a Presidential race) the situation will be so dire in Northern Georgia that the proud Bible-waving governor will be screaming at FEMA and the Army Corps of Engineers to immediately fix the problems created by decades of Republican neglect. He and his brethren in state government only need look to New Orleans to see what type of response they’re likely to get.

I have friends in the Atlanta area that will be directly affected by all of this to whom I’ll more than likely ship a case of water. I really wish I could sit here and state that I care about what happens to the area as a whole. Yet I wasn’t the one who elected these charlatans to the state government of Georgia year after year. If the residents of Northern Georgia want to get mad at someone for a lack of water, look to your state and local governments that allowed an overpriced McMansion-style gated community to go up in every piece of free space in the North of the state. Here’s some math for you:

One New House = One New Dwelling Needing Water

Your government created the problem. If they can’t fix it, that’s your fault for either not voting at all or voting for these idiots when you had the choice of someone else.

Lake Michigan and its contents belong to the people abutting Lake Michigan. We do our job by continually monitoring the health of the immediate Great Lakes and the effects of changes on the residents surrounding it. You can’t have it now or at crunch time. Tough shit. That’s life.

Picture for a moment that scene in the movie "The Three Amigos" where Steve Martin, Martin Short and Chevy Chase are riding through the desert. They each take turns opening their canteens. Steve Martin gets five drops of water into his mouth. Martin Short gets a canteen full of sand in the mouth. Chevy Chase dumps a canteen full of water into his mouth and onto his head as the other two look at him longingly. He then turns to the other two and offers them lip balm.

Georgia, thy name is Ned Nederlander. No worries though. I’ll be happy to send you some Chap Stick.

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