Tuesday, March 07, 2006

Boycott South Dakota!!

Now that the "enlightened" citizens of South Dakota have decided to put doctors in jail for practicing medicine, I have a few suggestions to make this transition painful for the government and brainless citizens of a state known for presidents in rocks and Native American concentration camps, or "reservations", if you prefer.

First, don't go to Mount Rushmore. You can see pictures of it in virtually any respectable travel guide, and honestly, what the hell is exciting about four dead white guys on the side of a hill? If you want to see that, join the Army and go to Afghanistan. Odds are, if you play your cards right, you could be one of those dead white guys.

Second, lobby your state governments to pass legislation which states that your state will no longer do business with any company in South Dakota until this vile law is repealed. Republicans don't understand much, but they understand the dollar. If you take it away from them, they cry and whine and tell you how great things were in the 1950's, when America lynched black people for a bit of fun and women knew that their proper place was either in the home or in the alley with a coat hanger.

Next, I speak to the members of the medical profession not currently residing in South Dakota. It is imperative that you tell your colleagues in South Dakota that there are states in the union that will allow them to practice medicine freely and without threat of prison. Encourage doctors in South Dakota to leave the state. The state goverment in power in Pierre was sent there by a near-sighted electorate. It is my belief that their collective eyesight will change when they need a non-existent doctor for urgent medical care. Diabetes? Tough cookies! Your doctor left to treat people in a place where he/she is appreciated. Does Aunt Erma need a heart bypass operation? Well, too bad! I suggest your get ol' Erma a bottle of schnapps and a penknife and let her perform the operation on herself. Your daughter in Rapid City is having trouble delivering the demon spawn of the man who raped her? Bummer! Maybe if you treated OB/GYN's like dedicated health professionals instead of criminals, maybe one would be around to help her out with the delivery.

To all high school students looking for a university, look to a higher education system located in states other than South Dakota. Leave that state to the barbarians who run it and leave them out in the cold. Remember, a portion of your tuition dollar will end up in state coffers to house the incarcerated doctors South Dakota no longer respects.

To all Indian tribes currently running casinos in South Dakota, I suggest that you use the revenue to buy land in adjoining states and begin to make plans to leave. It's not bad enough that Jack Abramoff stole all your money for Tom DeLay's overseas golf outings, but now the state has okayed the rape of your daughters. Your people have been raped enough by the white man. Give 'em some of that back!

If you run into a seller on EBay from South Dakota, try to find a similar or identical piece of whatever it is you're looking for from a seller in a different state. This can be applied to any web business based in South Dakota. If the citizens of South Dakota felt so strongly about this law, then they shouldn't be surprised if I feel strongly about taking my business elsewhere.

It only takes small steps like these to starve these people out and make them see the error of their collective ways. There's only about 400,000 people in the whole state. Hell, more than twice that have died in Darfur alone and America hasn't even noticed. Since nothing of consequence ever happens in South Dakota anyway, it won't be as if camera crews will rush to take films of skeletons with skin in the Black Hills collectively starving from economic abandonment. With a little concerted energy, the new state motto of South Dakota will be "The Ignorance Of South Dakota Stays In South Dakota".

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